That's Not Right
by Braco Boy
Summary: Your Organization just the way you like them; out of character and without shame. Too bad Roxas didn't get the memo.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note- Yet another parody. This time it's about our beloved OrgXIII. I'm sure I'm not the only who has done this, but I still feel the need to express my feelings about this. This will be multi-chaptered, as there are a lot of stereotypes for me to cover. And when I say a lot...I mean a lot...this is only the tip of the iceberg. Plus, there are a lot of members, and I couldn't possibly go over everyone and everything in one chapter.

Disclaimer- I do not own these guys.

This is a parody, in no way am I pointing fingers at anyone.

* * *

Chapter 1

Xaldin opened up the oven and smiled happily at the batch of cinnamon muffins he had prepared. He had never seen muffins so fluffy and delicious before. They were absolutely fabulous.

"These. Are. Perfect." He pulled the pastries out of the oven and smiled happily at himself. He placed them on the counter top and was about to go make some yummy frosting when Demyx suddenly ran in, screaming like a raging nymphomaniac.

"OMG-XADLY," Demyx said in a screamy, loud, and horrendously annoying tone. He grabbed the hot tray and squealed like a child on a sugar high. "ARE THESE MUFFINS?! I LOVE MUFFINS!!! THESE LOOK-OWWW!!!"

Demyx dropped the hot tray, his fingers burning in pain. The muffins fell to floor and got all nasty, but Demyx didn't care; he was too busy crying like a three year old.

"XALLLLDDDDY," he cried pathetically. He pointed to his reddened hand. "I HAS A OWIE-KISS IT!!!!"

Xaldin growled in anger as he stared at his hard work gone to waste. Despite the floor usually being white and clean, today it was rather filthy. No muffins had been spared.

"How dare you," he screamed. "Just wait till I get my non-attractive, minor character hands on you!"

Demyx broke into laughter and skipped off, giggling cheerfully as he tried to escape Xaldin.

"Youuuuuuuuuuuu can't catch me!!!!" He squealed as he ran out the door.

"Not if I can help it, brah!"

Xaldin turned around, wondering where that voice came from. He stared at Xigbar, the sniper smirking perversely at the running nobody. He had appeared out of nowhere.

"Like, I'm so going to catch you," he said, his teeth bared in excitement. He then stripped off all his clothes, wearing nothing but his Hollister Speedo, summoned up his guns, because he was oh-so trigger happy, and ran off chasing Demyx.

Xaldin was speechless.

Not that anyone cared.

Somewhere in a different room…

Marluxia was gardening in some sort of greenhouse that was never mentioned in the games as he thought about Vexen. He blushed feverly as he thought about all the romantic times they had together.

Like that one time when he ordered Axel to kill him…

Yeah, totally romantic.

Marluxia sighed heavily and cast his gay pink hair aside as he then thought about every other member he had a crush on. All of them men. Y'know, because he was super gay and all?

Like…how he thought Axel was the most handsome thing on earth despite trying to kill him in Castle Oblivion…and not really trusting him from the beginning. Love at first sight.

Or sweet little Zexion, despite sending him to the lower levels with just as hot Vexen. He hadn't shed a tear when he found out that Zexion died in the video game...If that wasn't love, then he had no idea what was.

Or innocent Demyx…despite them never appearing in a scene together.

Oh yeah, just the thought of it all made him super horny.

Marluxia got up from his super gay flower garden and walked out of his non-existent greenhouse as he then decided to rape Vexen.

Because that's what you do when you love someone. You rape them.

…And get them pregnant.

Somewhere in a hallway…

"You can't catch me," Demyx said as he tried to outrun his older superior. (For the sake of my sanity, we'll say he's low on sugar, thus forcing him to talk like a somewhat decent human.)

"Not if I can help it," Xigbar said as the then teleported and landed on top of his Demyx. Yes…right on top of Demyx…it made for easier access.

"Owies…Xiggy-wiggy, you're mean," Demyx said as he rubbed his head. He then smiled at his practically naked sex god of a Superior and quickly shrugged it off. "I still luv you though!"

"Tubular, little dude," Xigbar said as he then grabbed Demyx and carried him bridal style to his room. Demyx squirmed a bit but quickly gave up since he was a uke and they tend to do stupid things like that. Struggle and give up.

"Wanna go surfing after we DOOOOOO it," Demyx asked in his high pitched voice, breaking several sound barriers.

Xigbar stopped and put Demyx down, staring at him with a very serious expression.

"Demyx, I thought you would never ask," Xigbar said, acting as if he had just received a freaking marriage proposal.

Meanwhile, at a completely different scene…

"Oh…why do I live such a meager life," Zexion said in a sad and droll tone, his eyes cast off to the ceiling as he lay limp in the middle of the Grey Area. He took a deep breath and sighed as he grabbed a razor blade and slit his wrists. "Oh what I would do….to just end it all…." He whispered as he let the blood roll down his pale, white, Edward Cullen wrists. He blinked and tears ran down his face, smearing his makeup.

"I say, for someone who wants nothing more than to kick the bucket," Luxord said as he nursed a bottle of rum and or Jack Daniels, "You ain't particularly good at doing yourself in…mate."

"What would you know," Zexion said in a pathetic tone, waving his razor around like one would wave a lighter at a concert.

"Down the road, love, not across the street," Luxord said, pulling his sleeve up and showing Zexion the proper way of attempting to "release the pain".

Zexion could only break into tears.

"Don't cry, ducky, it'll be alright," Luxord said as he got wasted as hell, his blood alcohol level reaching a relatively high and dangerous content. But he was Luxord, so he wouldn't have to worry about dying of cirrhosis. He lazily got up from his seat, wobbling just a bit. He smiled and portaled off, eager to get yet another piercing on some sort of random body part. "Ima...ge...meh...ahm-pah-llooong..."

"I'm so alone….," Zexion said as he then decided to take Luxord advice and-

"Nuuuu," Demyx said as he grabbed the razor from Zexion, saving him (and the story's rating) from possible doom.

"…why," Zexion asked, more tears running down his emo face.

"Zexy-you can't kill yourself," Demyx said, hugging Zexion and coddling him like a child. "Zexy-Wexy-banana-fanna-so-Sexy!"

"Oh Demyx…," Zexion said as he embraced the young nobody. "I should have known better."

Demyx blew a bubble with his spit.

"You're my hero," Zexion said, kissing Demyx on the check, in love with him despite the fact that they had barely spoken a word to each other in the past.

"But Zexy-Sexy…,"Demyx said, "What if I'm not the hero…what if I'm the bad guy?"

Zexy…err, Zexion blushed.

"You…you read Twilight," he asked, because every goth and or emo read Twilight. Or at least Zexion.

"Huh, what was that," Demyx said, not having paid attention as a fly had passed by and distracted him from concentration.

"OMG-I fucking love you," Zexion said, "You have every quality I look for in a boyfriend. Annoying, immature, non-dependent, and brain damaged!"

"Oh Zexy," Demyx giggled, giving kisses to the smaller nobody, "you're like my own personal-"

…the author left the scene, unable to take anymore of this….

Meanwhile, in a less disturbing scene…

"Kingdom Heartssss," Xemnas drolled on, his eyes looking up to the spirit in the sky, wondering why…

"It is a beauty to behold," Saix said, sporting a giant Number-One-hand-glove thingy with the name "Xemnas" written on it.

"One day I will achieve Kingdom Hearts," Xemnas said, his eyes lit up with utter excitement. "And whatever my goal is in this fan fiction will be complete…"

"Wooh, that's MY Xemnas," Saix said, clapping and cheering at his leader, his cloak replaced with a "Team Xemmy" t-shirt, and sporting a huge button with Xemnas' face on it. He blew a wistle, which also sported Xemnas' face. (hint hint)

"Kingdom Hearts…"

"Alright-you go man!"

"Darkness!"

"Hell yes, you show them who's boss!!!"

"Nothing is etern-Saix, can you please stop humping my leg!!!" Xemnas said, looking down to his second in command.

Maybe choosing Saix over Xigbar wasn't a good idea…

But just as he thought of this; a huge wave suddenly came crashing in, Xigbar riding it on his purple surfboard. He jumped off his board, letting the wave take it away, along with Saix, as he landed on both feet.

"Like, Kawabunga dudes," he said in a cheery voice, sporting a tan btw, smiling happy as he turned to Xemnas. "Look man, my skin matches yours! Ain't that radical!"

Then again…

Xemnas frowned and started to argue with Xigbar, because fun and games and expressing emotions were all of his major pet-peeves. Xigbar stared back at him stupidly; everything coming out of Xemnas' mouth pretty much sounded like "blah" to him.

"…and that's why I'm boring, mean, and a huge buzz kill," Xemnas finally concluded in Xigbar's point of view.

…

Roxas looked around the empty hallways of the Castle that Never was. For some reason….he couldn't explain why; but he felt as if something were off. He had yet to see any members so far, which was a strange thing since they often looked for one another. Just because you're a nobody doesn't mean you don't want to simply have a talk with someone or play video games.

Roxas sighed and continued on, hoping he would come across someone. Heck, he'd even go for Larxene, just as long as he wasn't completely alone. Not that he was emo or anything, he just liked the company.

"Maybe they're in the Grey Area," he muttered to himself as he hurried off.

Little did Roxas know he was being stalked by a certain redhead.

TBC

* * *

Well, I hoped you enjoyed what I've produced so far. If there is anything in particular you want me to point out, feel free to ask. I don't care what it is; if it's annoying and/or has to do with these guys, I'll consider it. Thanks again and reviews are always appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note- Now, I haven't read every pairing under the sun here, but I'll try to get the most out of it ok? Yes, there will be many pairings in this story, as there are flaws in just about every one of them. As for the review about Demyx…NO. I would never let that happen in any of my fics…ever.

I want all of you to take note in how everyone's personality changes whenever they're with their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". It's like they have split personality whenever they fall in love with someone in particular. There isn't much in this chapter…but there will be more as time goes on.

Oh, and there is a story behind this…Roxas will eventually get more time. He now has TWO scenes in this chapter!!!

* * *

Chapter 2

Somewhere in the deepest depths of the Castle was a lab. No, unlike the garden, it was rather believable that there would be some sort of lab in the castle, because there is actually evidence supporting it. Because unlike a garden, which would serve no purpose for the organization, the lab could prove to be quite important. I mean, you have six guys who experimented on poor victims here…you know there's gonna be a lab so that they can play some more later on. And also, unlike a garden, labs were places of secrecy….mystery…and horror; something that the organization actually attempted to sport. Not being humiliated by skipping around in a non-existent flower garden.

You are probably wondering why the author is being so ranty right now…he can't help himself. The idea of a garden in a world without a sun just boggles his mind…

Any who…

_Meanwhile in a one-shot…_

Vexen was playing with his dangerous chemicals, laughing manically like all deranged scientists. He was a real fucker he was. He enjoyed playing with his scalpels; on weekends he sometimes chased helpless victims and dragged him into the lab so he could cut them up.

On Tuesdays he made clones of all the hot members in the organization.

And he fucked them up good.

Yep, that was out Vexen. An unappealing, old, crazy, old, psychotic, old nobody. If only Kairi were here to help emphasize just how _old_ he was with her bitchiness…

But that another sto-

"Oh my goodness, Vexy baby," Marluxia bellowed gayley as he swung the door open and entered the lab. A light beamed down upon him, and one could see sparkles emitting from his very being. "Guess who's here to give you some company?"

Vexen hissed like a snake and pulled out his favorite scalpel, Sophia, aiming it at Marluxia.

"Get away," he said in his creepy voice acting voice. "You know I don't like you. You tried to freaking kill me in Chain of Memories…"

Marluxia smiled gayley. "And I succeeded too…" Marluxia snapped his fingers, releasing a huge plant from behind him. It looked a lot like Audrey Two from _Little Shop of Horrors_…only pink and gay. Like Marluxia. Did we mention he was gay? "Just like I'll succeed in making you fall in love with me!!!" Because rape is how we express love…

Then he summoned up his tentacles vines and proceeded to attack Vexen, readying for the rape to come while he powered his nose and gave himself a pedicure.

Vexen screamed, trying to claw his way out, but it help no avail. He turned to Lexaeus who was sitting in a corner and screamed for him to help him out.

_Meanwhile in a corner…_

Lexaeus sat quietly in a corner with a dunce hat on his head.

He did not smile. He did not talk. He did not move from his spot.

He was just a stupid lunkhead who could only stare out to space and think about Zexion…

Vexen pleas meant nothing to him as the word "help" was far too advanced for his vocabulary…

Vexen then screamed for the author to please reconsider, but the appearance of tentacles had scared him away…thus proving to be fruitless.

_Therefore…_

Vexen was raped.

The end.

…

Roxas could not believe what he had just heard. It was like a voice from down bellow…and it sounded like someone was getting raped.

Really badly.

Roxas shook his head. Somebody must be watching a really bad horror movie. Rape? In this safe haven of a castle? Something so obscure and horrific could ever happen in this castle. Xemnas had rules that were lain down…and although "love" was something that could not be achieved, he did have rules about sex. After all; this was a castle with eleven-and-a-half (Roxas is still learning about the opposite sex) sexually mature males in it…it would be stupid to assume everyone just sat around and did nothing all day…

At least watch a freaking porno or something…

Anyways, rape was a crime. And raping meant you would get punished…you can't get away with that kind of shit. It's not right…

"Where is everyone," Roxas pondered as he tried to make his way into the Grey Area. He looked around the room and noticed that it was completely empty. Saix was nowhere to be found, and there was no Luxord playing card games or Demyx playing his sitar.

He was all alone.

But on the bright side, the remote was free.

Roxas sighed as he tried to recall the last meting Xemnas held up. Was there a workers compensation free day today? He couldn't remember, but by the looks of it; it seemed that he could get away with anything he wanted at the moment.

And so the young nobody walked over to the couch and made himself comfy, even going as far as the rest his booted feet on the white coffee table.

It would never be the same again…

Roxas grabbed the remote and turned on the television. He flipped through a few channels until he found the one that pleased him the most. National Geographic. By god that station had everything…

Roxas placed the remote next to him to keep claims in case anybody game by. He smiled and sprawled out a bit, smiling as he relaxed and watched Cesaer try to teach a guy how to be a good pack leader.

All was well…

…

…

…

Until two skinny hand grabbed him and pulled him over the couch.

Then everything pretty much went to hell.

_Meanwhile…_

"Nag, Nag, bitch, bitch, complain, more words, and scream," Larxene screamed loudly to a very wasted Luxord. Luxord rolled his eyes and he attached an IV to his arm, increasing the amount of alcohol he could put into his body. Larxene continued to bitch.

Why?

Because she liked Luxord…and bitching was her way of saying "I like you, lets be friends".

Just wait till Luxord found out how she expressed love.

"And I'm a whore who really wants to get laid, hard too," Larxene said as she began to choke the blonde and shake him violently with passion. Luxord didn't bother holding up a fight.

"FshjrhueorhfasjbrfuewP," Luxord murmured with a smile as Larxene continued to choke him out.

"Oh my," Larxene said as she let go of Luxord, letting him fall to the floor and pass out. She blushed and giggled in a strange sort of tone and began to coddle the unconscious body. "You are so sweet; I take back everything I said."

She then did a whole bunch of girly shit and even went as far as to bake Luxord a cake. Luxord twitched in his sleep, probably suffering from the effects of alcohol poisoning…

But before the author could call 911, Xigbar ran into the room, jumped, did a flip, and landed right on his feet with the utmost grace. Following him were all the hot chicks from Kingdom Hearts. You know; Aeries, Tifa, Aqua, Kairi, and NOT Yuffie? All the girls grabbed on to a certain limb on his body and cooed like a bunch of baby animal.

Xigbar then did a staring contest with Larxene, each one eager to prove something stupid to each other.

Xigbar lost…but that was to be expected.

"Bitch," he yelled.

"Asshole," she yelled back.

"Whore."

"Freak."

"Preying Mantis Nymphomaniac!"

"Sadistical piece of shit for a man!"

"SCANK!!!"

"NINJA-PIRATE-SURFER!!!"

"Let's have sex!"

"I'd thought you'd never ask!"

Xigbar peeled the girls off of him as he and Larxene made super hate-love to each other. They kissed each other and stabbed each other with Samurai swords as they made passionate "I hate you" sex with the other.

No plot.

No conflict.

No nothing.

All the girls except Kairi left. She stayed behind and sat on top of Luxord's cold body and began to talk about how old and ugly Vexen was. Because Kairi is a bitch like that.

What a saint.

_In a different room…or better yet; back in the Grey Area_

"Axel," Roxas yelled as he tried to squirm away from the older nobody. He flailed his arms about as he tried to push away Axel, who for some odd reason found it necessary to attempt to kiss the young boy.

The young, _under-aged_ boy.

Roxas growled a bit as Axel had now wrapped his arms around him as decided his keyblade was now a must. He summoned it and using the blunt side of the weapon, hit Axel hard on the head.

Roxas got up from the floor and looked down to the whining Axel. He shook his head, still very upset that his friend would dare do such a thing.

Such an immoral thing. Something that is illegal…in both Japan and America.

"What the heck," he said, letting his weapon fade off. "Is that supposed to be your idea of a joke?"

Axel looked up to him, his face holding a sad frown.

"Because I'm not laughing," Roxas said in complete confidence that this line would earn Braco at least a few reviews.

Axel pouted his lips.

"Oh…but Roxy," he said, puckering his lips a bit more, even quivering them for added affect. "You know you liked it…"

Roxas' eyes widened and he took a step back from Axel. One; when did Axel start calling him "Roxy"? And two…what the hell?

"Axel," Roxas said in a concerned tone. He id have a feeling not too long ago that something was up…was it this? "Are you….ok?"

Axel nodded his head and smiled. "Well, of course I'm ok." Axel got up from the floor and rubbed his head. "You sure did hit me hard on the head though…"

"That's because you were trying to make out with me," Roxas said in a very upset tone. "I mean…why would you even try to do that?!"

Axel looked to Roxas with a startled face.

"Why…because I'm yur boyfriend and all," he said with an overconfident smile. He then smirked evilly and grabbed Roxas' hand. "And that's what boyfriends do…they kiss…" He began to pull the boy closer. (Spelled wrong on purpose)

Roxas tried to pull away, but he was in so much shock right now, words could not even begin to describe what he was feeling. Axel was his friend. This was not right…

"Axel…"

_Somewhere else in a not cliffhanger area…_

"OMG PUPPY," Demyx squealed happily as he held on to Saix's leg, being dragged as Saix went on with his fit.

"I hate everything and everyone and I'm misunderstood and I wasn't loved enough as a child and I didn't get the right toy in my happy meal so I'm going to go BERSERK and kill everyone and everything with my RAGE," Saix screamed as he summoned his claymore and began to attack random objects that were in his way.

"Blah, dribble, dribble, blah," Xemnas said to Xaldin as he continued on some sort of lame speech about things he wanted to get done eventually but was going to wait a long time before initiating it.

"I see," Xaldin said, sporting his thick reading glasses despite not reading anything to begin with.

"I HATE everyone," Saix yelled as he picked up Demyx and threw him across the room. In any normal situation the boy would have ended up dead when meeting the white wall he was about to hit; but everyone loved Demyx so he lived through it.

Demyx got up from the rubble remains of the wall he had made contact with and giggled. "AGAIN!!!!! DO IT AGAIN!!!"

He ran over to Saix to get on top of him. Saix pushed him away and ran over to Xaldin and Xemnas.

"And that's why I love Kingdom Hearts," Xemnas concluded, his head moving away from the microphone that was placed under him when he started his forty hour speech about hearts.

"Fascinating," Xaldin said as he drank some coffee and worked on the crossword puzzle of a "Peoples" magazine.

"APPRECITE," Saix screamed. "HOW DARE YOU NOT SHOW MORE LOVE AND SUPPORT TO OUR BELOVED SUPERIOR? RAWWRRRRRR!!!!"

Saix grabbed Xaldin and tossed him out the window. His screams could be heard from miles away as he plummeted down the huge castle.

"I'm ANGRY," Saix yelled.

"Must be that time of the month," Zexion said as he poked his head from under the rug. He gave a huge sigh as he looked out to window where Xaldin was tossed through. "If only I was so lucky…"

Zexion then began to cry like a little bitch.

Xemnas looked around and stared at the huge mess and frowned.

"DEMYX," his voiced bellowed.

Demyx looked nervously to his superior.

"Go to your room," Xemnas yelled.

Demyx's eyes widened in absolute horror as the unspeakable had been demanded of him. He did the only rational possible and began to cry and whine…all while slowly dragging himself to his room.

"WAH, I hate you Xemmy," Demyx cried. "You're mean and a stinky face. I hate you. That's saying a lot because I love everyone in this castle. Even Larxene. I'm telling Xiggy on you. YourjustjealousbecuaseI'mprettierthanyou!!!!"

Demyx ran off.

Xemnas sighed and sank back into his seat.

"What about me," Saix asked in a now much calmer tone. "I made this mess too Xemnas." Saix then got down on his knees. "If you ant, I'll go kill myself right now. Just for you. No "buts" about it."

Zexion then burst into tears and began to sing a sad mixture of stereotypical emo music (M.M., F.O.B, M.C.R, B.F.M.V,H.I.M, G.C, etc.) He pulled from his Hot Topic trench coat Xigbar's gun and aimed it at his head.

"Goodbye cruel world," he muttered as he attempted to pull the trigger. But then he found out that there were no real triggers on Xigbar's weapon, thus proving his second attempt at ending his life a waste.

This only made Zexion even more emo and pathetic.

"No, I got a better plan for you," Xemnas said as he grabbed the magazine that Xaldin had been puzzling through and rolled it up.

He smirked at Saix.

Saix smirked back.

Zexion face palmed.

And the plot didn't seem to give a damn…

* * *

I plan for Roxas to appear in not one, not two, but THREE scenes in the next chapter. He needs to do more stuff, he is the main hero in this story...has to save everyone somehow. Other than that, I will update this once I update one of my other stories. Shouldn't be too long since I'm already halfway done with my XigDem story.

Reviews, flames, suggestions for crack pairings, and stereotypes are still appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey...I updated. Also, possible spoiler for this chapter. If you're a somewhat intelligent person, please skip the XemSai moment as it contiains a joke that just might ruin a plot point ot BBS. But if you're not somewhat intelligable, just go ahead and read along.

With that said, enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 3

Roxas looked over to the calendar, and was shocked to see that several months had passed since the author had left him to deal with Axel.

But just as he was about to go rant about the author's laziness, Axel decided to take action and pounce on him. Roxas made a shriek as Axel landed on him; all ten pounds him….nine being his hair. And before Roxas had time to catch a breath, he saw two lips getting ever so close to his…

"Holy crap," Roxas yelled as he tried to push Axel away from him. "Axel! Damn…it…stop it!"

His blue eyes darted around, hoping that somebody would save him from this really…awkward situation. Roxas' eyes then landed on his Keyblade, which was just a few feet away. His arm out stretched to it, hoping he would be able to summon it before Axel got any closer to his bishonen lips.

That word was added to help ease any tension that this story might be taken seriously. And for further release, the author did this;

Suddenly, Roxas felt the weight on his being pulled away as Axel was lifted off of him. Roxas looked up in shock as he stared at his surprising savior.

Xigbar.

"Xigbar," Roxas said in a mixture of surprise and pure joy. Honestly, Roxas would have kissed the man's boots right now, showing his gratitude, but was too afraid of being on all fours to do so.

Xigbar walked over to where Axel lay. Axel looked up to see the older nobody look down on him, a nasty smear on his face. Xigbar crossed his arms as he stared angrily at Axel.

"How dare you," Xigbar hissed.

Axel grimaced, crawling away as he tried to avoid whatever punishment Xigbar was about to lay on him.

Roxas got up from the floor and looked over to where the two nobodies were. He could see Axel's frightened expression, and for a moment, almost felt bad for him. But then he remembered the strange, sudden molestation that had occurred and all regret then faded away.

"You thought you could just go ahead and rape Roxas huh," Xigbar said, leaning over and looking into the redhead's face. "Didn't you, brah?"

Roxas frowned. What did Xigbar just say?

Axel's mouth opened, but Xigbar didn't give him the time to answer.

"Well you can't," he said, poking Axel in the chest with his extra pointy finger. "And do you know why?"

Axel shook his head. It should be known to the readers that he was now in the fetal position, rocking a bit in fear.

Roxas couldn't believe what he was seeing. For the longest time he was unsure to think about Xigbar. The man was an enigma of sorts, only giving out so much information. It was nice, and very reassuring, for Roxas to know that Xigbar-

"Because Roxy is allll mine, dude," Xigbar said with a sadistic smile on his face.

-was just as bad as Axel!

Roxas' jaw dropped as he heard the words being uttered.

Xigbar then removed himself from Axel and turned around, facing Roxas. He stared at the boy with a twisted (heh…funny) look on his face and then licked his lips…just because.

Roxas took a step back from where he stood, his eyes wide in absolute horror.

"What's wrong, Roxy," Xigbar said with a chuckle. He then teleported himself right behind Roxas, his hands on the boy's shoulders, gripping on them tightly. Roxas didn't even have time to react as he lowered his head down to the boy, taking in his scent. "I got rid of him for you, little dude. Show some appreciation, man."

But as Xigbar was about to go and make a move on the boy, a fire engulfed chakram flew out of nowhere, specifically from the left, and hit Xigbar in the head; horribly goring his beautiful face. The impact caused the older nobody to fall to the floor as well.

Roxas just stood where he was, incapable of taking in what had just happened.

"What…the hell," he muttered to himself.

But then Axel showed up from nowhere and embraced him. Tightly. Sickly. Inappropriately.

"Axel," Roxas screamed.

"Don't worry, my love," Axel beamed in a disgraceful tone of confidence. "I've saved you from that sick, twisted…heh…ninja pirate!" He then flipped Roxas over to face him and his strange, over excited expression.

"Axel…you're scaring me," Roxas said in a frightened tone. He then looked over to where Xigbar was, reeling and screaming in pain. "What's going on here? Why are you and Xigbar acting so weird?"

Axel frowned.

"What do you mean," he asked in a half whine.

"You see, right there," Roxas pointed to the sentence above. "You don't whine like that!"

Axel was taken aback.

"But…but I was just trying to be a good boyfriend," Axel stammered.

"…"

Roxas took in a deep breath.

Very calmly, he released the breath in a long sigh, and then said, "And since when have we been romantically involved?"

Axel scratched at his head for a few moments, thinking hard about what Roxas had asked before answering. It was pretty said because Axel was really thinking hard about it.

"Well," Axel finally answered. "From what I remember in the series, I can conclude that we became an established couple when-"

"XIGBAR POUNCE," Xigbar screamed as he mauled Axel.

Once again, Axel was ripped away from Roxas as he was knocked aside by a size eleven, custom navy seal boot. Roxas' eye twitched as he then began to see a strange battle of sorts; composing of Axel and Xigbar doing the following;

"He's mine," Axel yelled, pointing his finger and swinging it at Xigbar.

"Oh please, bro," Xigbar said, pointing his finger even more at Axel. "As if you could evah SATISFY him! Tell em' Roxy!"

"…I'm just trying to figure out when your accent got so out of hand," Roxas said weakly.

"See, he doesn't want you," Xigbar proclaimed. "He's wants me!" Xigbar laughed. "I don't blame him though…"

"That's not what I meant…"

"Roxy, how could you?" Axel whined.

Rather than force some sort of reaction from Roxas, as chances were he was starting to get used to this stupid stuff, the author decided for a scene change.

_So…somewhere else…_

Xemnas sat in his office, his eyes looking glued to the computer screen.

"Blah blah blah," Xemnas said to Saix, who was carefully taking note of everything being said. The Berserker carefully went through the several pages of notes, making sure he had gotten everything written down;

Blah blah blah I'm a generic bad guy blah blah….blah Square hasn't made a decent villain in years blah blah blah and blah blah I have the personality of a wet towel blah…

"Genius," Saix proclaimed, tucking the notepad in his cloak. "Oh Superior…"

Xemnas continued to stare at his computer screen, a picture of Kingdom Heart, as Saix began his two hour speech about how awesome Xemnas was.

"…Superior?" Saix asked suddenly.

Xemnas raised his eyes and leered at Saix.

Saix blushed a deep red and his lips quivered. It was really shameful to his character…

"There's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time," he then said.

Xemnas rose from his seat.

"Say no more, Saix," he said in his sexually appealing monotone voice. "I feel the same way…" He then removed the glove from his hand and used it to slap Saix across the face. "I freaking love you man!"

Saix snarled as he then proceeded to punch Xemnas, breaking the man's nose and causing blood to ooze down his tanned face.

"I love you too Superior," Saix said as he pushed Xemnas down t the floor. "NOW SAY MY NAME!"

"Saix," Xemnas replied, slapping Saix around like an abusive mother.

"Again," Saix demanded.

"SAIX," Xemnas yelled.

"Yes," Saix said. "Say my name. Say it in remembrance of me!"

"Oh god yes," Xemnas said. "Yes, yes! Oh, Aqua, yes! Take me!"

Saix stopped his abusive love and looked down at Xemnas, his eyes wide in shock.

Xemnas, having realized his error, stared back, his amber eyes trying to make complete eye contact with Saix's.

"…Aqua," Saix then asked. "…really?"

"…"

"Really, Xemnas?" Saix questioned.

"…please don't tell anyone," Xemnas said shamefully.

_…back to Roxas…_

"I can't believe I just witnessed that," Roxas said in disgust as he turned away from the past scene. He was now sitting on the couch, trying desperately to watch television while Axel and Xigbar ducked it out behind him. Once in a while he's make a small glance behind him, just to see how they were doing.

Just for the record, Roxas was thinking about the situation. He was trying to figure out what was going on with both nobodies…since they normally weren't this weird.

"We've shared more moments together," Axel yelled. "Besides, he loves me! Me. Not you, but me! Got it memorized?"

"As if," Xigbar said, sporting his catchphrase in retort to Axel's. "We had a moment, and it was a hell lot more awesome than yur pussy ass moments…"

"Oh please," Axel said. "I've played the PSP…tell me Xigbar; how long did it take for that moment just to load, huh?"

"Well, I actually kept up the usual updates," Xigbar said. "And it really didn't take long for it to get through…"

"Really," Axel asked.

"Yeah," Xigbar said, pulling out his PSP. "You see, if you keep up with updates and go-"

Roxas finally got up from his seat, checking to see if the two had finally gotten over their odd fight.

"Uhm…hey guys," he said as he approached the two. "You two finally feeling alright?"

Axel and Xigbar stopped what they were doing and then turned their attention to Roxas. Both men had a blank expression on their faces for a few seconds before huge grins appeared on each one.

"…guys," Roxas said weakly.

"Well well," Axel said as he let a hand rest on Roxas' shoulder. "Does poor little Roxas not like us fighting?"

"Roxy want to play," Xigbar chuckled.

"A yum-yum threesome," Axel suggested.

"As long as I top," Xigbar stated.

"HELL NO," Roxas said as he swiped away at Axel's hand. Both nobody's gasped. "What's wrong with you guys? Since when were you so…so…gay?"

"Roxas don't be derogative," Axel snapped.

"Yeah, it's arrogant," Xigbar said.

"But it's true," Roxas yelled. "You never acted like this before? Since when did I become the hottest thing around, huh? Why me? And when did you become attracted to me anyways?"

Xigbar looked down, trying hard to think about Roxas had just said.

"Think about it, guys," Roxas said. "Before, everybody was complaining about how Larxene would never give it up for anyone…and now you two are fighting over my butt!"

"…I…I never thought of it that way," Axel muttered.

"…when did we," Xigbar trailed off. He shook his head. "This…doesn't make any sense…"

"You see," Roxas said. He frowned. "There's something going on here. Something that's making you appear almost…out of character."

Both Axel and Xigbar gasped.

"But I believe, if we work together," Roxas said confidently," we may just be able to find out why. All we have to do is work togeth-"

"OMGHIROXYPOO," came a high pitched squeal, followed by good hundred and thirty pounds of Demyx crash landing on Roxas.

Roxas stared up at the ceiling, in a faze as his head spun around. It took a few moments for him to realize that Demyx was on top of him, playing with Power Rangers action figured and picking his nose.

"…Demyx," Roxas muttered, "wha…what are you doing with that booger?"

Not paying attention, Demyx proceeded to rub the green and red booger on Roxas' cloak. He then, assuming he was now bored of Roxas, got up and then ran up to Xigbar, who was still brooding, along with Axel.

Roxas just stared at his cloak in…I can't name what he was probably feeling right now. It's just so disgusting.

"Xiggy," Demyx cried.

Xigbar stared at Demyx, the confused look still on his face.

"Xemmy is being a meany face and he's being mean and told me to go to my room and he's all grumpy and I didn't even do anything but he just being so mean to me and it's not fair," Demyx cried as he grabbed on to Xigbar and whined in that really high pitched tone of his.

Roxas, up with a paper towel in his hand, removed the nasty green thing from his cloak and stared at Demyx with a mixture of anger and confusion.

Demyx was acting weird too…

And then Roxas saw the worst thing his amazing eyes could ever lay on.

Xigbar, who had previously acknowledged that there was something wrong going on in the castle before, was embracing Demyx.

And not in the friend sort of way. His leg was up and that only mean trouble.

"Don't worry Demy," Xigbar said, summoning up his weapon. "I'll show that bastard he can't just mess wit you whenever he pleases!" he then ripped away at his clothing, exposing way too much of his body for Roxas' comfort and then grabbed Demyx and ran off. And Demyx, for some odd reason, just giggled and laughed and went with it…

…

…

Roxas just stared.

"Hey, hey Roxy," Axel giggled as he wrapped his sickly thin arms around Roxas. "Looks like we're all alone…"

Roxas eye twitched.

"Wanna make babies?"

Without warning, Roxas ripped himself from Axel's grip. He glared at Axel, his blue eyes somehow turning to a bright red.

"…Rox-"

"Shut it," Roxas said in a serious tone. He then cracked his knuckles, just to show how serious he was, because nothing was more serious than a knuckle crack.

"…"

Axel made a whimpering sound, but nodded his head, understanding that Roxas meant business.

"Now," Roxas said as he grabbed his Keyblade from the floor. "You wanna explain to me what's going on here?"

_Somewhere else…_

Pretty flower is pretty," Luxord giggled as he took a sip from his pink teacup, playing with the flowers that were scattered all about the kitchen room.

"Such colors do not belong within my world…too bright for a dark soul like mine," Zexion murmured as he stared into space while Marluxia decorated his hair with all sorts of flowers. Tears ran down his face as he took a sip from his cup. "A sip of death…suiting for an unworthy soul like me…"

"Toffee anyone," Xaldin said as he walked into kitchen where Marluxia, Luxord, Vexen and Zexion were. Xaldin had an apron on, as well as a cast-a result from the long fall he had received in the last chapter. Luxord and Zexion were decorated from top to bottom in flowers…as a result from Marluxia. And as for Vexen….he was wearing vines. And a gag. And handcuffs. And a blindfold.

"I'd like some," Luxord say with a smile as he laced his tea with some alcohol.

"Me too," Zexion muttered as he laced his tea with some LSD.

"Mmphh," Vexen sputtered through the gag.

"Oh Vexy, your so adorable," Marluxia giggled as he finished decorating Zexion's hair full of colorful flowers. "But no toffee for you-it'll go straight to your thighs! We can't have that!" Marluxia then laced Vexen's tea with several brands of sleeping medication.

There came a "ding" from behind Xaldin, causing him to gasp.

"Oh noes," he cried. "The soufflé!" He handed the tray of prepared toffee to Marluxia and hurried back to get out the finished pastry.

Marluxia stared at the toffee and the turned his fabulous attention to the three nobodies in the room, each one, aside from Vexen, drinking tea and playing with each other in a most inappropriate matter. Underneath the table, of course.

"Well, now that Mister Unattractive, Manly, Huge Mutton chops is gone…" Marluxia chuckled. "Who want's a tasty treat…?"

"You mean the toffee," Zexion muttered sluggishly as the drugs began to slowly kick in.

"Oh no," Marluxia cooed. "I'm talking about something sweeter." He placed the toffee on the table and rested himself between Zexion on Luxord. "Something tastier…more satisfying…and intense…"

"I haven't the slightest idea what kind of treat this is," Luxord said in an all too cheery tone, "but it sounds delicious! I'll have a go!"

Marluxia smirked.

"Mmphh!"

"Dammit Vexen, wait your turn!"

* * *

More chapters later! And then some...


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